Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of our life in the monastery is experiencing over and over again the painful, boring truth of our sinfulness and allowing Christ in these very moments to gaze on us with love and exquisite tenderness. It may feel like utter madness to allow ourselves to be the objects of Christ’s love and attention precisely in these moments. But it is the great reversal, the sublime trick of the monastic vocation- we thought we were coming to the monastery to gaze on Christ, but it is Christ Jesus himself who wants to gaze lovingly, compassionately upon us in our lowliness and poverty. It is almost unbearable and demands great courage and humility. For God in Christ loses himself in love over and over again. This is the essence of who God is, for God is Love. And Love longs to give himself away to us. God is Love and so he is always, always reaching out, using anything at all to get our attention.
