Which of us is worthy - of
love, of real relationship, of holy communion? Only the love of the other,
earthly or divine; only that gaze of love can draw any one of us into the reality of our belovedness. Small wonder that the intuition of the Church has placed this prayer
just before Communion, “O Lord, I am not worthy.” We are not worthy, but truly
loved beyond measure. Only Love has made us worthy. Indeed, in his desire for each
one of us, in his dying and rising for us, Jesus has loved us into
worthiness. He simply refuses to not love us, no matter what.
Still we know the closer we get to him, the more clearly we see who we are. Always with the realization of God’s nearness, there is not boasting or complacency but awe and reverence and bitter self-knowledge. Who am I? The response of a grateful, awe-filled heart is always appropriately - I am not worthy. Noticing the blessing, the undeserved abundance, we see clearly who the recipient is, worthy, blest and beloved not because of what we have accomplished but because of who God is - all Love. It’s never been about worth, but always about love, and the sweet condescension of his mercy, the tenderness you never really deserve.
A vintage photo of the monastic choir.
