Seeing our potential for
conversion, Jesus wants to cultivate the soil, the humus, the humble
reality of who we are. And he can accomplish in the humble heart, what spring brings about in nature. But he never forces his way. Christ Jesus
is on our side, but always, always waiting upon our request, our admission of
our sinfulness to do his work. We must open to him, even a tiny crack will do.
Jesus the good gardener only
wants us to depend on him, repent and beg his mercy, the Father’s mercy that Jesus
is for us. Beg his care, his way, his life, his compassion. Only his tender
mercy can retrain our tendency toward sin. Tendency literally means, we’re
naturally inclined, leaning toward it, stretching out toward it haplessly like
vines programmed to cling to the nearest solid thing.
But always, always he begs our
cooperation, not to resist the painful trimming, the smelly fertilizing, the
shock of his loosening the hard soil at our feet and the sudden drenching with
clean, cool water. Our privileged task is the repetitive work of humility-
continually returning to the back door of the church and standing there in the
dim light, our heads lowered, begging with the publican, “Lord be merciful to
me a poor sinner.”
Such is the treasure, the
challenge of our conversatio as monks, as baptized members of
Christ’s body - constantly to depend on, to cooperate with the desire of God’s
mercy enfleshed in Christ. For God’s mercy in Christ is an endless treasure, a
deep, rich mine where we can dig and dig for more brilliant jewels of mercy,
forgiveness. Jesus’ call to repentance is not a mandate from a far-off tyrant
but a loving plea from One who wants a way in; calling us to the courage of
constant conversion, relentless turning around to him, to one another. Turning,
turning.
He begs for our constant
availability to his mercy. This is God’s deepest desire for us. God never
tires of giving us second chances but waits for our admission of need. He longs
for access to our broken, guilt-ridden hearts, our very innards, but he can’t
get in unless we open up. And if God forbid, we refuse to repent, we’ll be
stranded, held back from the mercy that is our lifeline in Christ. Time is
running out but in Christ, there is still time.
Christ Jesus our Lord knows
well that we have the potential to bring forth sweet fruit of peace, justice,
and reconciliation. He asks only that we take a small step into the reality of
our tendency, our truth, our sinfulness, and invite him in to do His work, over
and over again. There is still time. He has witnessed our affliction, the
burden of our guilt, and has come down to rescue us, to feed us, to mercy us
with His Body and Blood.
